day four ... The weather very misty in the beauty of the Autumnal season when this silver hangs among the colour of the leaves. This golden glow is the first view I have when I leave my home.
The interest too in the home. The change in the ambiance. The little tweaks in a small change. I have no idea where this year will end. The different opportunities coming along all at once. The small steps taken in altering the way I use technology, how I dispose of items, deal with the scars of trauma.
The new old experiences in getting out. The peaks and low, lows in how it is all around in life.
And the years built in a home that disintegrated has given me a complete and utterly different outlook on life. This where I am out of sync with it all. I understand no one, just as those who understand me less. The irony in so much of the assumptions we all have. It has been particularly more so on my current style in life. The old new forget I exist.
I may or may not talk about it. It depends on many factors. The fact I physically able and of a certain age does not help the inner me which is in much dismay ... I look and seem mainly normal ... The little subtly times others for the briefest time look. They are the new people mainly in some I have met. The notice in odd ways.
When ond have been in groups of people. And others are slightly discerning at others overt friendly ways in their invitations to meet up another time ...
... These relationships I still on the outside of in the middle ...
Despite the diversity of life. And mood dependant. I like to be in a different place to my own family or new people. It all feels alien to me still ... to be with others ...
... This will I hope blend towards more of an existence by dong usual to me life in some light duties a bit more in another new environment... how this responds ... we shall see in the season of goodwill where again my gift will be time with others front of house or and behind the scenes in quiet demeanour...
No comments:
Post a Comment